The big questions…
Graduated! Amazing, wonderful, crazy, fantastic! But now is also the time that all those big questions arrive. What are you going to do with your life? Do you have a job? What are your plans for the future? When will you have children? When will you marry? Will you look for a house? Well, to be honest, I don’t have an answer to any of those. I have a job yes, but only a temporary student job. Plans for the future, yes of course. Travel, discover, wait and see what awaits me. Find a doctorate that combines my passion to discover the world with my eagerness to learn. Children? Marrying? Well, that is simply not a part of my current plan. I know, plans are there to change, so who knows, but not for now, I can honestly say, no way. I see the world before me, not being pregnant, not living in the same house with the same walls and same activities from sun up till sundown. I see a free life, full of possibilities. I think, and strongly hope, all of you do. Maybe a dream with children, with a house, with a stable job. Every dream is a perfect dream, as long as it is your dream. As long as you feel it is the right thing for you to do, it is the perfect way to create your future.
I am now working my second week. Eleven more to go. Twelve weeks more and I will be on an airplane. Isn’t life crazy! It keeps on going along and all you can do is choose to participate.
I love new things. New experiences make me feel alive, but I would be lying if I would not admit to be scared. Every time before a new first time I am terrified, but crossing that boundary, setting that step is always worth it.
This amazing dream, this journey ahead is becoming reality, but silently, hidden among all the preparation my fear is carefully tucked away. Not a fear of leaving, that is the easy part. The fear of how things will change while I am gone, the fear of how things will be when I come back. The fear of how I may have changed and people may be gone. People don’t like admitting their fears, but nobody is fearless. Fear won’t stop time, it will not stop change nor will it stop death, but it can stop life. It is about mastering these fears, having the courage to bend them to your strength and not to let them stop you, because then those fears become your limits.
Hi,
I really like reading your blog posts. I have the same feeling about not wanting to settle. A lot of people expect me to do so and that gives a lot of struggles, unfortunatly. I simply don’t feel ‘adult’ enough. However, I am married and planning to buy a house in future. Instead of weighing me down, my marriage let’s me blossom. I feel more encouraged now to follow my dreams. I chose my husband and a home, a safe haven for me to return to, the rest is stil ‘open for adventure’. Mine, his or ours together, as they come.
Marriage doesn’t equal children anymore and I am grateful for that every day.
Hey,
Thank you very much for your inspiring reaction! It is nice to hear how somebody else struggles with the same and it makes me happy to hear you can now face an amazing future together with your husband. Maybe one day I will also feel ready to marry. We will see what the future brings along.